Our Cat Is A Meteorologist

I wrote a post about all the napping I did during Hurricane Irene, but it turned out to be even more boring than you would expect it to be. Like, just really boring and sad. Instead I will show you what we did when we weren’t napping, which also might be boring for those of you don’t happen to be me and Eric. These are the risks you take when coming to this blog, people! Mostly it’s a video of us giggling and startling our cats because there is nothing funnier than startling a fat cat. There is some excellent camera work though, and the production quality is, frankly, outstanding.

How to stay happy even though you’re insanely broke

1.) Fantasize about selling your cats into slavery.

2.) Win tickets to see your favorite band at a local outdoor music festival. Think about how much gas will cost to get there. Consider selling those tickets. Do not sell those tickets.

3.) Make a list of all of your marketable skills. Cry into a pillow for an hour. Revise list.

4.) Make a list of all of the things in your apartment you can sell. Threaten your cats with a menacing glare as you do so.

5.) Assign a monetary value to absolutely every aspect of/object in your life.

6.) Pick up a cheap hobby to keep your mind off of your budget. Realize you don’t really have enough money to buy the supplies for said hobby. Buy supplies anyway. Forego food shopping for one week.

7.) Google “reasonable monthly food budget for two people” three times a week.

8.) Google “how dangerous can selling drugs actually be”.

9.) Think about a time when you were able to buy a coffee without agonizing for half an hour over whether or not to buy that coffee. Hold on to that memory. That memory is all you have.

10.) Absolutely under no circumstances eat anything but pasta for exactly one month. Repeat as necessary. (Which is always).

11.) Self-medicate with beer that you initially felt guilty about buying but then realized that you need it to keep yourself from googling yet another budget article.

12.) Absolutely under no circumstances write down your monthly income minus all of your bills and living expenses. Do not spend an hour staring at the number that results. Do not cry.

13.) Start writing a blog post about how you won tickets to see your favorite band but then quickly lose focus and spiral into a self indulgent list about how broke you are. Have some reservations about posting it. Proceed anyway.

**MOST IMPORTANTLY**

12.) Never. Never EVER. NEVER EVER EVER ABSOLUTELY NEVER EVER PLEASE DO NOT EVER LOOK AT THE OUTSTANDING BALANCE OF YOUR STUDENT LOANS. DO NOT TAKE NOTE OF HOW MUCH OF YOUR MONTHLY PAYMENTS IS GOING TO INTEREST. Be a good monkey and pay your monthly payment for the next 30 years of your life and one day, maybe after your dead, but not definitely, your education will be paid for.