So, So Fly.

I meant it when I said I try to make sure my nails are always fly as hell. I have to say, I feel like I killed it tonight. What, you don’t really know what you’re looking at because of the low resolution of the picture provided? Well, suffice it to say, they’re awesome. I used Sonia Kasush “Starry Night” (black with silver sparkles), with some awesome $1.99 nail stickers. Target is my bitch, even though I left without buying the amazing-but-$40 Missoni pajama pants. Sad face. For the astute observer among you, you can also see my pajama pants, my pillow, my neck pillow, and my bra strap. There’s…a lot going on.  It’s like a word find, only with bedtime things! And, you know, not words.

Pumpkin Coffee Makes Me Believe In God

Really and seriously.

While driving to work a couple of weeks ago, enjoying the cool morning air through the open window, a long lost memory took hold of me and refused to relinquish its grasp. At first I was alarmed…scared, even. My panic dissipated as I realize that the memory was not wrathful. No, it was a sweet memory. Sweet, with hints of cinnamon and cloves, gently mingling with ginger and nutmeg, all gloriously combined with the robust flavor of coffee. I knew at once what the memory was trying to tell me: Pumpkin coffee season was nigh. I nearly cried.

I had my first pumpkin coffee (iced) from Dunkin Donut’s yesterday. It was just as magical as I remembered it, and I look forward to having it for every meal from now until December when they switch over to Gingerbread coffee which is like pumpkin coffee’s jealous younger brother who will forever live in the shadow of pumpkin coffee’s unattainable glory.

I won’t insult you by explaining why pumpkin flavored things are always (100% of the time) better than non-pumpkin flavored things; some things simply are. I want to help you. I want you to walk with me in the path of righteousness, the path that’s lined with all things pure and pumpkin-flavored. Let me teach you…

1.) Pumpkin Coffee: Dunkin Donut’s. Starbucks. Tim Horton’s. Green Mountain Coffee. Iced. Latte. Frappuccino. Hot. Sweetened. Injected. On your face. In a bath. YOU CAN’T GO WRONG.

2.) Pumpkin Beer: There are a lot of beers trying to jump on the pumpkin bandwagon, but only one that you really need to pay attention to: Shipyard’s Pumpkinhead Beer. “Subtle, Spiced, Flavor Sensation”. It’s deliciousness is outrageous. Truth time: Having it readily available on tap at any local bar is the real reason that Eric and I moved to Maine.

3.) Pumpkin Icecream: What I would give for some pumpkin icecream right now. The wonderful people at Denville Dairy introduced me to this delightful treat, adding their own spin with pralines and caramel swirl. TOTALLY RIDICULOUS. Dover Dairy Maid even has soft pumpkin icecream which….I can’t even. I can’t. I need to find pumpkin icecream in Maine immediately.

4.) Pumpkin Soup: Do you want to have something pumpkin flavored that won’t get you drunk, fat, or jacked up on caffeine? Have some pumpkin soup! It’s warm, it’s wholesome, it’s flavorful, it’s soup, it’s pumpkin! It’s pumpkin soup!

5.) Pumpkin Baked Goods: Quite possibly the origin of all pumpkin flavored things. Pumpkins begot pumpkin pie. Which begot pumpkin bread. Which begot pumpkin muffins. Which begot pumpkin bagels. Which begot pumpkin cookies. Which begot pumpkin…cupcakes? I think those exist.

All exaggeration aside, science dictates that there are roughly ten billion ways to make whatever you are eating at this exact moment pumpkin flavored in some way. What started as a relatively simple combination of spices has become so much more than that. It’s become an obsession, an addiction. An entire aisle in the baked goods section. A way of life. Join me later this year when we will be discussing how to cope with seasonal pumpkin withdrawal (SPW), and why peppermint and gingerbread are not appropriate replacements.

I’m So Sorry

If you need to clean your brain because of the previous post, I have just the thing. I hope we can all still be friends!

Ode To Autumn

Ahh autumn. What is it about you that makes this heart of mine shiver with the timid excitement of a leaf just about to fall? Is it the warm array of colors that you bring to the New Jersey vista every year? Is it your insistence that I eat only things of apple/pumpkin origin? Is it the fact that it is you who ushers in the holiday season, giving me an excuse to fill my belly to its hilt and spend money with reckless abandon? Or is it that you provided the inspiration for this photo featuring THREE TEACUP PIGLETS STUFFED INTO A JACK-O-LANTERN??

Who are all clearly squeeing in utter DELIGHT?! Don’t even get me started on that roughly-hewn, smiley faced jack-o-lantern. It’s almost too much for my heart to take.

To put it plainly, autumn, I love you. I love the faint smell of burning leaves that you diffuse into the atmosphere. I love the redness that you bring to peoples’ cheeks and noses. I love the feeling of going back to school, without actually having to go back to school. I love going to multiple farms within the span of one day to pick pumpkins, buy apples, smell freshly baked pies and eat freshly fried apple cider donuts*. I love that your presence seems to make the entire east coast hunker down and start preparing for winter. You make me feel inexplicably colonial at times, and hey! I love that too. If I could, I would start salting various meats and hang in the smoke house out back so we could have food to eat in the winter months. Alas, in the absence of a smoke house, I’ll have to settle for caramel apples and pumpkin bread.

Oh autumn, you are truly my favorite time of year.

*I could eat those things until I went into hibernation, ie. diabetic coma ie. heart attack.

cookie overload.

‘tis the season for over-eating, fa la la la la, la la, la—barf.
my mom must have had a serious discussion with the ghost of christmas present a few days ago, and has been on an inexplicable and obsessive cookie-baking marathon ever since. it started with a batch of chocolate chip, and a batch of oatmeal butterscotches. delightful! the next day, there was a batch of sugar cookies with lemon icing. terriffic! this was swiftly followed by yet another batch of sugar cookies the next day, though this time with vanilla icing. great! there was an oven lull for a day or so, but it was quickly discovered that there were scant chocolate chip cookies left. oh my! the next day: TWO more batches of (milk! not semi-sweet) chocolate chip cookies. oh….oh my.
as a self-confessed possessor of a sweet tooth (understatement? maybe.), i take very little issue with there being mounds of chocolate-filled cookies around the house. i could probably live like this for weeks. the only thing that i’ve noticed is that, rather than increasing my net food intake, the cookies have taken the place of food all together. like i said, i’m more than ok with this, but one does begin to worry about the bodily effect of one’s decisions, especially when one’s decisions are so undeniably delicious. and irresistable…lets not forget irresistable.
so what’s a couple pounds or twenty when the reward is so delectable?!

BEST. PHOTO. EVAR.

Banksy